I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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