Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
