I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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