you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
