the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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