So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everything about him screamed your future.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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