My hand turned me down
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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