Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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