dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
