rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
