You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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