It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
