i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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