I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
