i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
