just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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