I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize