i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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