Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
