Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
