I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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