to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
