i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
