I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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