I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
