i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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