He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
