i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
