So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
