My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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