A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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