We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
