i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
