This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
