eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
