Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
