i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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