just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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