I puked a lego.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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