she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
