dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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