A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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