what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
