yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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