Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize