After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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