then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
