she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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