Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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