she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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