i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
