if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Barsexuality is the new black.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
