So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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