You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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