I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
