Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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