Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
