If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
