Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
