There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
