Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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