so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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