i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
3 2 1 whiskey
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
