So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
