i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
