so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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