Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
