How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize