is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
