oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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