He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
