i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
