I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
