I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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